Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
