it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
