you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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