its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
