i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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