So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
