i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i came on her dog
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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