Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
