grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
