Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
