I didn't shave. On purpose
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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