dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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