i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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