i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
