We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
