I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm like, not good at living.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
