I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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