Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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