I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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