He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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