...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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