I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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