bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
