i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
tell me about the eggs
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