U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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