Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
