So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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