i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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