Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
