remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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