honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
