Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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