On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
