and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want a musical about memes.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
