Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
