he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
