Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
