My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
