$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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