When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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