oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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