The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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