Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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