remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
