you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
