I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
