Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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