He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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