I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Come on in and take your pants off
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