I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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