No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
