I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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