We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
