capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
