I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
