you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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