don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
