i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then he tried to convert me to islam
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
