The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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