so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
