My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
