She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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